My other 1/2

I can't escape you, even when I'm sleeping.
I'm dreaming, thinking that you're in front of me screaming
We beefin', going back and forth, fighting for no reason
I'm squeezing, on your neck, trying to stop you from breathing
Getting even, you punch back, leaving me with bruises, I'm bleeding.

I'm cheating, she blows it up like I've committed treason.
It's deceiving because she can't picture me leaving. She's cheesing, like she knows when I look at her what I'm seeing.

She's forcing me to look, at my eyes and my lips.
I don't want to, too much pride to admit

That the person I'm fighting... is ME
An abusive relationship, that I envision in sleep.

So I smack her, attack her, verbally harass her.
Tell her I can do better, but all I hear is laughter.
She looks at me and says " girl you're a disaster"
I look away, eyes water, I'm starting to get madder.
She says "you know I'm right, you're living life backwards".

I look back and see her,
I start to sweat,
feels like a fever.
I know she's right, even though I don't want to believe her.

I can't leave, cuz she's me, and ultimately I need her.
Every time I hurt her, I feel like I'm hurting me.
She knows how to hurt me back, she kills me with uncertainty.

So I light the flame, try to burn her to the third degree.
Wake up with burn marks, rushing off to surgery.
Oxygen mask on , thinking death would be a luxury.


Cuz I was trying to kill myself, I wasn't in love with me.

Under the Sun

I was told a man should never want to profit from pain
Next day the same man told me logic's insane

Get what you can, make money then deposit the change
My life's a constant journey, and there's no stopping the train

It's like I view things different, my mind don't process the same
So I stand under the dark clouds but don't acknowledge the rain

Force myself to look into a mirror of a reflection that's depressing
Taking 18 credits of classes, not seeming to get the lesson

I'm feeling like I put in enough effort, I should've won
Came up short, thinking of other things I could've done.


Maybe I would have made it, if we were together as one.


But no, you were steady trying to lead me to the edge of the cliff
I wouldn't jump, so you tied me up and tried to feed me to the fish.

It wasn't my fault, you forced me to chose
I was building a foundation for the future, you forced me to move.

YOU forced me to use this pen
to numb the torture and abuse.

That I forced upon myself, cuz I aint wanna believe
that my hopes and aspirations were merely just a dream.

Sitting here under the tree, listening wondering when the thunder will come
Cuz I'm just not meant to live life under the sun.

Candle Light Vision

Candle light dinner.... a very private occasion

So elegant, her beauty is penatratin

Her coming my way... with a slow, sexy walk, over working my patience

I'm waiting..... that candle light is in my soul is growing...
The fire is enraging

From the time she walked in to the time she got closer...my body is changing
Going thru physical phases

I'm so noticeable... dumbfounded in utter amazement

I regret the past, I'm dreaming for the future... but she got my mind on present tense
She's nothing less, than magnificent, benevolent
A personal gift from God, she's so heaven sent

Got me dreaming of places I've never been
When I'm around her... everything else is irrelevant

Candle lights gathered around the bed... a fire burning collage
She's fully relaxed... while engaging me in a mental and physical massage

When my hands touch her... she's vulnerable...
for a moment she becomes mine

Time is of the essence, but she's the essence of my time


She got me hypnotized, she the presence on my mind
The way she murders my pain, and kidnaps my stress has to be a crime

Nothin can explain the comfort.. like a breeze she's bringing in
After she moves her heavenly scent stays lingering

I want an explanation of my feelings.... what the meaning is
she said that it would all b explained when the candle light extinguishes....


LIGHTS OUT

Knight In Shining Armor My ASS!

So every girl wants him. The Perfect guy, the "knight in shining armor" that'll ride in on his white horse and just sweep you off of your feet.... PLEASE. This is a fantasy played out in Disney films made by white people. This perfect person/guy doesn't exist. Not at all. One thing you'll find out about me is that I'm real. No bs ever.

Being young, and subjected to watching these Disney movies I went out on the lookout for this knight... only to find out that guy I thought fit the description was really a pathological liar who was just really good at sensing my insecurities and feeding them. Yea he lied, he cheated, he even passed on an std or two...all curable, but the point is I was crushed. Essentially we were fighting more than we were fucking. All you people know how THAT can get. Stress builds and then parties start looking elsewhere and that's EXACTLY what the fuck I did.I messed with a girl who gave the BEST head ever.... She gave head so good the shit on the inside of my pussy was on the outside. Called it the butterfly effect. So while I'm with her I wasn't messin with him... and now that I'm single I feel like a fuckin guru when it comes to guys like him.

PERFECT example: My home girl, I mean my BEST friend is messing with the wackest guy alive. I mean no college degree, 23, living in his mother's attic, no car, no job type dude. She being the girl she is stuck by him, helped him find a job, get his financial shit in order, get his car fixed... I mean she gave him money for everything under the fucking sun... then when she finds out he's cheating on her, she leaves, he causes a big scene, she calls the cops, he gets arrested, she goes the phone SHE bought him... the one that's on HER plan, that of course he doesn't pay for, and discovers 6 girls. yea SIX. They all start blowing up the phone looking for there 'boyfriend' and one of the girls even says she's been with him for 3 years and knows he's cheating on her but can't leave cuz he gave her herpes... WTF?? So of course she's freakin out, I'm freakin out, she's cursing his name and damning him to hell, I'm cursing his name and damning him to hell... and then Low and Behold. The dude gets outta jail and everything is Honky Dory??? She COMPLETELY forgets or neglects all the bs that he put her thru after he feeds her this bs story sayin while in jail, he's getting counseling and realized he has abandonment issues because his mother was a crack head.... Ummm I love my home girl and all, but she's really being stupid right now..... like yo, you haven't even got the results back from your herpes test! WTF? you think your shit is invincible? What you got teflon pussy now? You think that shit won't stick? Give me a fucking break! I've dealt with bum ass dudes before... and I've been the girl who thought the sun came out their ass and they could do no wrong. Grow the fuck up. Ladies please listen: YOU ARE WORTH SOOO MUCH MORE. Flash that nicca the deuce and keep it moving.