So, part two:
Needless to say after have gone thru an experience like that, and Naomi not being there, I wasn't too keen to hit her up.... at ALL. She eventually sends me this Long ass email stating that she misses me, and that she thinks about me all the time, she's sorry for not being there for me, but that she still wants a relationship with me.
HA
Really? I was a little surprised to have heard from her ass at all considering how she jus up and left me... but I still love her. Her actions def hurt me, a lot, but that doesn't negate the feelings that have accumulated for her. I tell her that our relationship is damaged, but that it's fixable. Idk HOW we actually inteded on fixing it, but I know that I was honestly ready to give it a try. This brings me to this semester: spring of 09. Since the break we've been taking it slow, texting, not really pushing anything and then she asks to come over... I hesitate, but I feel like I can handle it.
BOY was I WRONG!!!! Things between us were jus weird and awkward. We used to be able to talk shit to one another (jokingly of course), and have serious conversations, but now? Our conversations are as shallow as 2feet deep lake. I learn from that visit, that I'm not as comfortable with her as I'd like, so we resume to texting.
Fastforward to today, things haven't changed THAT much, she had a "girl" as did, but both relationships fell thru and idk.... I just can't connect with her the way we did last semester. We actually went like 3 weeks without speaking to one another over some dumb ass argument... that's not like us at all.
So to conclude this sequal, I sent her an email. I explained exactly WHY we are the way we are. The trust is gone, and the bond is broken. I will always harbor feelings for her, but she honestly knows nothing about my emotional and physical experiences last semester and you know what? She doesn't DESERVE to know, and I told her such. As a friend, you don't bail when the times get hard. Idk why she didn't know that, but she says she allowed her emotions to take control.
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You're 27 years old! Why haven't you learned how to get that under raps now? Granted, from time to time everyone slips up, but damn! She sure as hell picked the Worse time to do that!
She initally responded to my email saying that she wasn't going to let our friendship go, but she later changed her mind, and said she realizes how hurt I must have been not to have had her, and that if I'm better off without her in my life then she'll fall back.
I'm not quite sure HOW I feel at this point, but her and I have made the decision to talk face-to-face tomorrow and figure it out.
**Wish me luck**
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Naomi... A History
So it's time yall know A little history about Naomi and I, and why we are the way we are. But PLEASE BE WARNED: THIS BLOG IS VERY EXPLICIT.
Okay, so as you know, Naomi was the first girl I slept with, and boy was it amazing. This happened in the summer of 08 and I was WHIPPED. LOL. It's funny now that I reflect back on it, but back then? I woulda done any and everything for her. So we were talking exclusively, but we didn't have the title of dating. As the story continues, she suddenly decided that she we were moving to fast and that she didn't wanna talk to me anymore... I was not only heartbroken but a little surprised... I mean this girl is 7 years older than me... aren't older women supposed to be more intune with what they want? How are you feeling me hardbody one day, and then the next never wanna talk to me again? Idk but when I returned to my school in September her and I salvaged our relationship and this is where the REAL story starts:
Her and I were sooooo close. I don't really get along with other women in general, so her friendship meant a lot. We were still having sex, but it wasn't all the time and our relationship wasn't based on it at all. She really was the only bestfriend I had at my school. She would come over to chill and I could tell her anything... and most importantly, it was reciprocated.
So since we weren't exclusive, I was messing with steve occasionally. I'm a very sexual person, but I also have emotional needs, and between the two (steve and naomi) I was satisfied. So as I was messing around with steve...my phone broke. And I don't know about the rest of yall, but my black berry is my LIFE. Everything I need to know is in there, my alarms, my class schedule, my meetings... Imean EVERYTHING.... including the time to take my birthcontrol pill. So by now, I 'm sure you can guess where this is going: during the days my phone was broken, I wasn't taking my pill on time, or at all and I got pregnant. In fall 08 of my sophmore year I was pregnant with steve's baby.
SHIT
So now, surprisingly, I'm not freakin out. I tell steve about it, and he doesn't freak out either. He asks me what I want to do about it and I tell him I don't know. The biggest thing was HOW am I gonna tell Naomi??? I mean I love her, and I know that telling her this is gonna hurt her. So I delayed in telling her, because I wasn't quite sure what to do, or what to say. As the weeks progress, steve and I decide we're going to abort the baby (but not after a LOT of back and forth), so that being decided I continue to drink... I mean, I'm not gonna keep it anyway right? So at this point, I'm starting to have morning sickness, and severe lower back pain. I still don't know how far along I am, but when I go home I find out I'm 6 weeks. But anyway, I'm on the phone with Naomi, and I'm telling her how I'm sick etc, she then proceeds to ask me if I'm pregnant.....
SHIT
I didn't wanna lie to her, so I simply said: really naomi? You're really gonna ask me am I pregnant? and she dropped it. Now I realize that what I did is called lying by omittion... but what other choice did I have? I wasn't ready to tell her, but I have NEVER lied to her. So then the day comes when I decide to tell her. She picks me up to treat me to lunch and I'm extremely quiet the entire ride there, I don't say much as I eat and It's on the way back that I tell her:
I'm Pregnant.
Silence.
And then Naomi goes OFF. Now please keep in mind that I am extremely vulnerable simply because I'm not even 21 and I'm pregnant, add that to the fact that I'm in school, with essentially NO money and not entirely independant with steve for the father and you can understand how I'm feeling. I am boo-HOOing in the car. She's yelling at me, saying I lied to her when she asked me about it, and how could I... I mean what could I say? I never meant to hurt her... but I can't help but feel like maybe she should ask ME how I'm dealing with this? Or how I'm doing ya know? I can understand you're hurting but it's not always about YOU. She calms down and says that she still loves me, and that she'll be here for me. She asks me what I'm going to do and I tell her that steve and I decided that an abortion is the best thing. She then says that she'll be there for me etc.
Now after that car ride... Naomi disappeard. I mean NO contact whatsoever. No phone calls, No texts, no more visits. I of course attempted to contact her, but she never returned my calls. So it was clear that I was on my own... Steve? well he was there for me, but I wanted Naomi.
So at this point, first semester is coming to a close, and I'm basically living with steve. He takes me to schoo, brings me home, feeds me, and makes sure I have everything I need. The morning sickness has subsided, but I'm having extreme lower back pain...... Then it happens
BLOOD.... EVERYWHERE.
I wake up in the middle of the night to painful cramps, killer back pain and blood.
I'm having a miscarriage.
SHIT
I'm crying, Steve's confused not understanding until it finally clicks. He takes me to the bathroom and helps me clean up and I put on a tampon. He gets his computer, goes on web md, and confirms my nightmare. Logically, the next best thing to do would be to go to the hospital right?
NO.
Not gonna happen. As I previously stated, I 'm not 21, therefore I'm still on my mother's insurance and her and I aren't the best of friends. If I go the hospital, they will bill my insurance and my mother WILL find out.... HELL NO. So as we seek guidance from web md it says there's really nothing to be done. So I have a BAD miscarriage... and where was Naomi? GOOD question. Nowhere to be found.
So now it's christmas break, and I go home with the money for the abortion. I got examined, and found out that I hadn't passed all the dead tissue, and had to get an "abortion" to get the rest of it out.... and so I did.
Needless to say this was an EXTREMELY traumatic experience and WHERE was Naomi?????
NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
***** stay tuned for part 2
Okay, so as you know, Naomi was the first girl I slept with, and boy was it amazing. This happened in the summer of 08 and I was WHIPPED. LOL. It's funny now that I reflect back on it, but back then? I woulda done any and everything for her. So we were talking exclusively, but we didn't have the title of dating. As the story continues, she suddenly decided that she we were moving to fast and that she didn't wanna talk to me anymore... I was not only heartbroken but a little surprised... I mean this girl is 7 years older than me... aren't older women supposed to be more intune with what they want? How are you feeling me hardbody one day, and then the next never wanna talk to me again? Idk but when I returned to my school in September her and I salvaged our relationship and this is where the REAL story starts:
Her and I were sooooo close. I don't really get along with other women in general, so her friendship meant a lot. We were still having sex, but it wasn't all the time and our relationship wasn't based on it at all. She really was the only bestfriend I had at my school. She would come over to chill and I could tell her anything... and most importantly, it was reciprocated.
So since we weren't exclusive, I was messing with steve occasionally. I'm a very sexual person, but I also have emotional needs, and between the two (steve and naomi) I was satisfied. So as I was messing around with steve...my phone broke. And I don't know about the rest of yall, but my black berry is my LIFE. Everything I need to know is in there, my alarms, my class schedule, my meetings... Imean EVERYTHING.... including the time to take my birthcontrol pill. So by now, I 'm sure you can guess where this is going: during the days my phone was broken, I wasn't taking my pill on time, or at all and I got pregnant. In fall 08 of my sophmore year I was pregnant with steve's baby.
SHIT
So now, surprisingly, I'm not freakin out. I tell steve about it, and he doesn't freak out either. He asks me what I want to do about it and I tell him I don't know. The biggest thing was HOW am I gonna tell Naomi??? I mean I love her, and I know that telling her this is gonna hurt her. So I delayed in telling her, because I wasn't quite sure what to do, or what to say. As the weeks progress, steve and I decide we're going to abort the baby (but not after a LOT of back and forth), so that being decided I continue to drink... I mean, I'm not gonna keep it anyway right? So at this point, I'm starting to have morning sickness, and severe lower back pain. I still don't know how far along I am, but when I go home I find out I'm 6 weeks. But anyway, I'm on the phone with Naomi, and I'm telling her how I'm sick etc, she then proceeds to ask me if I'm pregnant.....
SHIT
I didn't wanna lie to her, so I simply said: really naomi? You're really gonna ask me am I pregnant? and she dropped it. Now I realize that what I did is called lying by omittion... but what other choice did I have? I wasn't ready to tell her, but I have NEVER lied to her. So then the day comes when I decide to tell her. She picks me up to treat me to lunch and I'm extremely quiet the entire ride there, I don't say much as I eat and It's on the way back that I tell her:
I'm Pregnant.
Silence.
And then Naomi goes OFF. Now please keep in mind that I am extremely vulnerable simply because I'm not even 21 and I'm pregnant, add that to the fact that I'm in school, with essentially NO money and not entirely independant with steve for the father and you can understand how I'm feeling. I am boo-HOOing in the car. She's yelling at me, saying I lied to her when she asked me about it, and how could I... I mean what could I say? I never meant to hurt her... but I can't help but feel like maybe she should ask ME how I'm dealing with this? Or how I'm doing ya know? I can understand you're hurting but it's not always about YOU. She calms down and says that she still loves me, and that she'll be here for me. She asks me what I'm going to do and I tell her that steve and I decided that an abortion is the best thing. She then says that she'll be there for me etc.
Now after that car ride... Naomi disappeard. I mean NO contact whatsoever. No phone calls, No texts, no more visits. I of course attempted to contact her, but she never returned my calls. So it was clear that I was on my own... Steve? well he was there for me, but I wanted Naomi.
So at this point, first semester is coming to a close, and I'm basically living with steve. He takes me to schoo, brings me home, feeds me, and makes sure I have everything I need. The morning sickness has subsided, but I'm having extreme lower back pain...... Then it happens
BLOOD.... EVERYWHERE.
I wake up in the middle of the night to painful cramps, killer back pain and blood.
I'm having a miscarriage.
SHIT
I'm crying, Steve's confused not understanding until it finally clicks. He takes me to the bathroom and helps me clean up and I put on a tampon. He gets his computer, goes on web md, and confirms my nightmare. Logically, the next best thing to do would be to go to the hospital right?
NO.
Not gonna happen. As I previously stated, I 'm not 21, therefore I'm still on my mother's insurance and her and I aren't the best of friends. If I go the hospital, they will bill my insurance and my mother WILL find out.... HELL NO. So as we seek guidance from web md it says there's really nothing to be done. So I have a BAD miscarriage... and where was Naomi? GOOD question. Nowhere to be found.
So now it's christmas break, and I go home with the money for the abortion. I got examined, and found out that I hadn't passed all the dead tissue, and had to get an "abortion" to get the rest of it out.... and so I did.
Needless to say this was an EXTREMELY traumatic experience and WHERE was Naomi?????
NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
***** stay tuned for part 2
DAMN KIM!! REALLY????????
UGH. Last night was a DISASTER. Kim did it to me again!
I mean the last post I wrote said that I expected to be notified... and I was, just literally like 5 minutes before I expected her ass to be here! But let me backtrack and rewind a little bit:
It's around 10:30 and while I'm at the dinner table with my roommate, my phone begins to vibrate. Yep, its her. Man I'm already blushing. So we're texting back and forth, and I should tell you that I am EXTREMELY turned on by this girl.. I mean, she's HOT. So yea, I'm horny, and due to that fact, I'm texting things that I probably shouldn't be texting... but then again, she's responding. Saying she feels the same way (horny) which is just FINE by me. LOL. So just to speed things along, she asks if I want her to come over... ummm YEA! Although I am nervous as hell, I def want her to come over. I mean I always get a little nervous with the first kiss, but if its good.... well yea, its on and poppin.
So the inappropriate/dirty texts continue, and now I want her to come over BAD, so she says she will. Now it's time to run the List, because she'll most likely be spending the night:
1. Shower
2. Shave
3. Brush teeth
4. Use Listerine
5. Make sure room is clean
6. Make sure bathroom is clean
7. Make sure ENTIRE apt. is clean!
So after all the aforementioned are checked off, and to MY high standards, I patiently sit on my bed mentally preparing myself. I didn't wanna text her and ask where she was because then it would seem like I was pressed, and plus she already said she was on her way.
And then...
YEA, you guessed it, I get that text message:
Kim: Please, please please don't be be mad at me. I swear I went to check on my roommate 2 make sure she was ok before I left n she once again said no n might need 2 go to the FUCKIN hospital. I think she full of shit but earlier she was bleeding again. She said if she don't stop in the next twenty minutes she wanna go.
Me: I knew it. I 'm going to sleep
Kim: No 4 real. I think she makin that shit up cuz she kno im bout to go somewhere n dont wanna be alone n some shit. I swear I'm dealin wit a serious ass situation
Me:
Kim: I'm gonna make this up to you in everyway you can imagine
Me: No that's cool. I'm goin to bed. Idk why your roommate can only call on you (she DEF has a boyfriend.. and isnt this HIS kid too?)... EVERYtime you and I are supposed to chill, but its whatever
Kim: No she does it every day. Days we supposed to chill and days we not. dont be mad i'll tell you everything tomorrow 4 real.
Me: I honestly don't care to know. Goodnite
Now you KNOW what's goin thru MY dag on head. I like this girl A LOT. I mean I've been crushin on her for the past 3, count them up 1, 2, 3 dag on years! And now that we're both finally available I'm getting this bullsh*t from her! My last post was whether or not I should jus tap out... and lastnight, I def was....
and then I saw her today! I know. I know, grow some balls. I'm SUCH a sucker. But I've never crushed this hard on someone before (aside from Halle Berry and Denzel, but who hasnt?) and I really wanna get to know this girl. Of course the feelings have to be mutual.. and she SAYS they are, but her damn actions are a whollllleee nother thing.
I saw her today and jus igged the SHIT outta her, I mean we must have been like 3 -4 feet apart(LOL) but I was pretendin she didn't exist. She gets up and sits next to me and apologizes, tries to explain the situation.. and I'm not tryin to hear it.
I mean I wanna hear it... but then again I don't. Plus I'm sittin nex to this otha girl I'm cool with and she doesn't know I like girls (I don't like everyone knowing). So I am giving her the COLDEST shoulder, and she is really like tryin to apologize and explain. I then began to wonder if i'm being to hard on her? I mean at least she texted to let me kno right?? That's a step... granted a BABY step, but a step nonetheless.... But Jeez, I jus wanna chill with her and if it leads to sex then it leads to sex, but I at least wanna be around her ya kno? and Boy is she fuc*in around. Today is still supposedly the day we chill and do somethin, and at this point I'm not really confident that it's gonna happen. She did say she would "make it up to me in everyway I can imagine" but talk is cheap. And her talk is worth nothing, nada, zip, zilch, ZERO. Idk. Until tomorrow, this is To be continued....
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
K Kim, One Last Chance
Soooo Ran into kim today. She looked good enough to eat (HA). Apparently she hasn't been contacting me because her phone fell off of her balcony and the screen cracked.... Me: Excuses, Excuses. But she promised she would hit me up after 5 yesterday, once she got her new phone.
So we talked, admittedly not at 5, but we talked. Apparently her roommate got pregnant, boyfriend abandoned ship, she almost had a miscarriage and was suicidal... CRAZY I kno, but Drama none the less.
So I guess after that I forgave her, I mean truth be told, I woulda found any reason to forgive her because I like her so damn much... but I've decided to give her one final chance. She seems very shy, and I feel like I always have to pursue her in order for us to chill. UMH... no more. So I told her to hit her up when she felt like chillin. She immediately turned the question back on me: "well, when do you feel like chillin?" Not gonna work this time, I politely informed her that she needs to take some initiative. If she likes me like she SAYS she does, then perhaps she needs to show it. So long story short, she said we'd chill tomorrow.
=D
Yea, thas how I feel.
Hopefully she'll actually stick by her word. And if she can't for some strange reason... I expect to be notified. Otherwise, I may just have to let her ass go. **I sure hope not tho. I really like her.
So we talked, admittedly not at 5, but we talked. Apparently her roommate got pregnant, boyfriend abandoned ship, she almost had a miscarriage and was suicidal... CRAZY I kno, but Drama none the less.
So I guess after that I forgave her, I mean truth be told, I woulda found any reason to forgive her because I like her so damn much... but I've decided to give her one final chance. She seems very shy, and I feel like I always have to pursue her in order for us to chill. UMH... no more. So I told her to hit her up when she felt like chillin. She immediately turned the question back on me: "well, when do you feel like chillin?" Not gonna work this time, I politely informed her that she needs to take some initiative. If she likes me like she SAYS she does, then perhaps she needs to show it. So long story short, she said we'd chill tomorrow.
=D
Yea, thas how I feel.
Hopefully she'll actually stick by her word. And if she can't for some strange reason... I expect to be notified. Otherwise, I may just have to let her ass go. **I sure hope not tho. I really like her.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tap out??
Okay, so among the heart breaker (steve), my first "girlfriend" (naomi), and the rebound guy, there's someone else I'm talking to. I know, I know, I should just slow down, figure out what I want, one person atta time blah, blah BLAH... but a girls gotta have options right? Her name is *kim. I have been feeling this girl since my freshman year. She is very attractive, funny, and has the coolest personality I've ever encountered. Now my freshman year, I had never been with a girl, but I knew I wanted Kim. However she was engaged our freshman year... and I'm not home wrecker.
BUT fast forward 3 years..... she's no longer engaged, I'm no longer only sleeping with men, and we're BOTH single and extremely available.
EPISODE 1:
I hit her up, we text for a few days and then I invite her over. we HIT IT OFF. We laughed, joked, and just had a BANGIN ass conversation. I tend to be very sarcastic, but she could handle it. Although there was no physical contact besides a hug on her way out... I kinda wished there had been. So after that great night, I honestly could see myself seriously talking to her, and I genuinely wanted to get to know her.
EPISODE 2:
I hit her up (notice how I am the pursuer?? I HATE feeling like I'm pressed, I mean shit! if you like me pick up the phone and lemme kno!), I want her to come over again obviously.. but she informs me there is some kind of drama with her roomie and she has to go home to comfort her... ok, I respect that. So we don't chill, nor do we text, or have any kind of contact what so ever.
EPISODE 3-5:::
to sum it up: drama, Drama, DRAMA, roomie, Roomie, ROOMIE. Broken truths, lies of returning my texts/phone calls. Everything that comes out this girls mouth is about how her roommate is goin thru it, and how she doesn't want to be involved anymore. Like Kim, baby, if you don't wanna be involved, and you wanna be able to chill with me... then just DO it.
EPISODE 6:
She says she's comin over. =D that's all I can do. But that immediately changes. 1: she comes over an hour later than I had planned... so I know she's going to be tired. 2: She's drunk (WTF) 3: I did tell her to bring a movie... but everyone knows thats code, for let's kiss and/or take it further. During the ENTIRE first half of the movie, she's talking to her roommate. 4: Once she's FINALLY off the phone, she passes out!!!! ........................................................................................................................................................................
UMMMMMHHHHH WTFFFFFFF?????
Clearly, at this point I'm pissed. Okay so maybe kissing her woulda took it too far, too soon.... but shit! Why even come over?? DAMN! So when she finally comes to, the movie is over and I want her to get the FUCK out. So I eject the dvd, walk her to the door and tell her to text me once she's made it home safely.
EPISODE 7:
Okay, I know what you're thinking, but damn I got it bad for this girl. She texts me (an improvement) and tells me she's sorry for her behavior, that her roomie has been goin thru a lot, and that she wants to sit me down and explain everything... and once she's done that I won't be mad anymore. Okay. I can dig it.
Her: Where are you
Me: In the student center on campus... you?
Her: by your apartment
Me: .... do you want me to meet you there?
Her: umh no thats cool, i gotta go home and deal with this drama, I'll hit you up later
Me: ok kim, whatever
9HOURS LATER......
Me: hey, hope you're roommate is doing better, did you still plan on comin over here
Her:
Me: ?
Her:
So after all of that... I was done. I hate being stood up, I hate liars, I hate people who allow themselves to get so sucked into drama it affects me.
Today, I see her in the student center (sc) and I say HI, and keep it moving, she catches my arm saying her apt is on the third floor, and her phone fell off the balcony. The screen broke and she had no way of contactin me. She gets a new phone today at 5 and will hit me up to talk then. Me: ok. sounds fine.
idk what it is about this girl, because I gave the rebound guy HELL when he stood me up didn't text me and she's already done that a few times. I'm trying to be patient.. but damn its wearing thin. I'm caught between dropping everyone, and keeping them all at a distance. I'll just have to think some more on it. If she comes thru on her word today.... we'll see. Naomi has to go, Steve is already gone... which leaves kim and the rebound guy. *sigh* wish me luck... I may just tap out on this one. I'm tired of ringing the bell and goin thru round after round with her ass.. gettin the same results.
BUT fast forward 3 years..... she's no longer engaged, I'm no longer only sleeping with men, and we're BOTH single and extremely available.
EPISODE 1:
I hit her up, we text for a few days and then I invite her over. we HIT IT OFF. We laughed, joked, and just had a BANGIN ass conversation. I tend to be very sarcastic, but she could handle it. Although there was no physical contact besides a hug on her way out... I kinda wished there had been. So after that great night, I honestly could see myself seriously talking to her, and I genuinely wanted to get to know her.
EPISODE 2:
I hit her up (notice how I am the pursuer?? I HATE feeling like I'm pressed, I mean shit! if you like me pick up the phone and lemme kno!), I want her to come over again obviously.. but she informs me there is some kind of drama with her roomie and she has to go home to comfort her... ok, I respect that. So we don't chill, nor do we text, or have any kind of contact what so ever.
EPISODE 3-5:::
to sum it up: drama, Drama, DRAMA, roomie, Roomie, ROOMIE. Broken truths, lies of returning my texts/phone calls. Everything that comes out this girls mouth is about how her roommate is goin thru it, and how she doesn't want to be involved anymore. Like Kim, baby, if you don't wanna be involved, and you wanna be able to chill with me... then just DO it.
EPISODE 6:
She says she's comin over. =D that's all I can do. But that immediately changes. 1: she comes over an hour later than I had planned... so I know she's going to be tired. 2: She's drunk (WTF) 3: I did tell her to bring a movie... but everyone knows thats code, for let's kiss and/or take it further. During the ENTIRE first half of the movie, she's talking to her roommate. 4: Once she's FINALLY off the phone, she passes out!!!! ........................................................................................................................................................................
UMMMMMHHHHH WTFFFFFFF?????
Clearly, at this point I'm pissed. Okay so maybe kissing her woulda took it too far, too soon.... but shit! Why even come over?? DAMN! So when she finally comes to, the movie is over and I want her to get the FUCK out. So I eject the dvd, walk her to the door and tell her to text me once she's made it home safely.
EPISODE 7:
Okay, I know what you're thinking, but damn I got it bad for this girl. She texts me (an improvement) and tells me she's sorry for her behavior, that her roomie has been goin thru a lot, and that she wants to sit me down and explain everything... and once she's done that I won't be mad anymore. Okay. I can dig it.
Her: Where are you
Me: In the student center on campus... you?
Her: by your apartment
Me: .... do you want me to meet you there?
Her: umh no thats cool, i gotta go home and deal with this drama, I'll hit you up later
Me: ok kim, whatever
9HOURS LATER......
Me: hey, hope you're roommate is doing better, did you still plan on comin over here
Her:
Me: ?
Her:
So after all of that... I was done. I hate being stood up, I hate liars, I hate people who allow themselves to get so sucked into drama it affects me.
Today, I see her in the student center (sc) and I say HI, and keep it moving, she catches my arm saying her apt is on the third floor, and her phone fell off the balcony. The screen broke and she had no way of contactin me. She gets a new phone today at 5 and will hit me up to talk then. Me: ok. sounds fine.
idk what it is about this girl, because I gave the rebound guy HELL when he stood me up didn't text me and she's already done that a few times. I'm trying to be patient.. but damn its wearing thin. I'm caught between dropping everyone, and keeping them all at a distance. I'll just have to think some more on it. If she comes thru on her word today.... we'll see. Naomi has to go, Steve is already gone... which leaves kim and the rebound guy. *sigh* wish me luck... I may just tap out on this one. I'm tired of ringing the bell and goin thru round after round with her ass.. gettin the same results.
Rebound Guy... pt2
So me and the Rebound Guy have kinda hit it off... Surprise, surprise.
He came over last night, we chilled, watch For the Love of Ray J (DANGER!! She smashed the homie!! LOL) and For the Love of Money 2.... it was nice. Now of course there was supervision... in case he decided to go crazy again, my friend was there... but I actually enjoyed it.
Now rebound guy is into music, and acting, and he's a graduating senior here at my school. His fast pace life style may be outta my league, but he is SOO adamant that it's not, that he can make time for me etc. He's currently a platnum artist in his home country in Africa, and not only is he still recording hit songs, he's also currently filming a movie. I THINK I may like him... I'm not to sure at this point. I know I don't want to be in a serious relationship with him, but he isn't so bad now. And he WORSHIPS the ground I walk on!!! I never meant for it to be that way, of course, but he likes me something SERIOUS.
After he left my house, my friend and I went over to house to continue what we had started. I think last night was the first time I realized how in to me he seriously is. Idk why, because I have been sooo rude/ignorant to him, but apparently, he sees something in me that he likes. I feel like he could be a good friend... but a serious relationship with a rapper/actor?? ummmhhhh, can we say PASS. Idk I took the initiative to contact him to day, and we'll see how it goes. My fingers are crossed!
He came over last night, we chilled, watch For the Love of Ray J (DANGER!! She smashed the homie!! LOL) and For the Love of Money 2.... it was nice. Now of course there was supervision... in case he decided to go crazy again, my friend was there... but I actually enjoyed it.
Now rebound guy is into music, and acting, and he's a graduating senior here at my school. His fast pace life style may be outta my league, but he is SOO adamant that it's not, that he can make time for me etc. He's currently a platnum artist in his home country in Africa, and not only is he still recording hit songs, he's also currently filming a movie. I THINK I may like him... I'm not to sure at this point. I know I don't want to be in a serious relationship with him, but he isn't so bad now. And he WORSHIPS the ground I walk on!!! I never meant for it to be that way, of course, but he likes me something SERIOUS.
After he left my house, my friend and I went over to house to continue what we had started. I think last night was the first time I realized how in to me he seriously is. Idk why, because I have been sooo rude/ignorant to him, but apparently, he sees something in me that he likes. I feel like he could be a good friend... but a serious relationship with a rapper/actor?? ummmhhhh, can we say PASS. Idk I took the initiative to contact him to day, and we'll see how it goes. My fingers are crossed!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ooooohhh Weeeee
So, after reading my last post... I'm feeling a little rebellious. Remember the girl from "A knight....." well she was my first. I'll name her naomi. She was the first girl I ever slept with, and to her I'm grateful. She had to be the most passionate woman I've ever encountered. She unleashed a side of me that I didn't even know existed. Although she's 7 years my senior, age is just a number. She showed me Sooo many things, and was the best sex I ever had. Problem? Well she's a leo, and I'm a scorpio... apparently, we both are very strong-willed and but heads quite often. As passionate as our love making is... we can also get in Heated arguments.
So we did, got into a heated argument about nothing and went our separate ways. Now I do love her, I always will... but there wasnt a shot in HELL that I was gonna call her first, especially since I felt like my points were valid, and that I was correct. So we haven't beeen speaking for about 3 weeks. So she hit me up today... and I melted. I have missed her like crazy, but I'm entirely to stubborn.
We started talking and after we got past the I Miss You's... things started to turn south. She stated that we would never be intimate again... WHAT?? Apparently when she was talking to some other girl, she was thinking about me. When it was time for them to get intimate, she thought about me, and while they were actually smashing... yep, you guessed it. she was wishing it was me. I mean, I had no idea, but I'm not surprised. Our Sex is the BESTTT. Can't emphasize that enough. So I'm hurt, like she's the only woman I've ever cried with after sex, she's done it with me, and I've done it with her. Our emotions for each other can be overwhelming at times. I told her why avoid the inevitable? There will ALWAYS be sexual tension between us. She came over my house, and the passion just overwhelmed us. There's absolutely NO way that we can be in the same room without touching... which leads to other things. But I can't stop myself. And BOY did we go at it. She was a little jealous that I had been with another girl, but no girl can EVER top what naomi and I have. The connection is undeniable. We can't help ourselves... and DAMN her shit is SOOOOOO good. Just thinkin about it turns me on. Who woulda thought that a woman who's been a lesbian all her life would find her sexual match with a woman who, before her, had only slept with men! HA.
So we had sex, we chilled afterwards, and just held each other and then all of the sudden.... she said she had to leave! Now is it me? Or what? I really felt some kinda way about her leaving. I mean I will always care for her, and have notions of us together, but If I can't be with her... I mean Im going talk to othe people. Her shit is the best I EVER had... but damn... I can't get stuck on her again. Like when she meets other women.. I get jealous. I do. I don't show it, but I honestly hate that it isn't me. And now I've learned she feels the same way, so we made a promise not to mention other people, but I don't think it'll last. When I'm with her, everything else fades away, so when we're not together that's all I want, and then I get hurt when she doesn't feel the same way... but I can't straddle the fence forever! Either I'ma remove all my feelings for her and let it just be sex, OR, I'ma involve my feelings and express them... Its really a catch 22. Without feelings, it wouldn't be as passionate and as intense as it is, but with feelings... I tend to get caught up... Where's the balance? And does it even exist??
Damn this girl knows how to consume my thoughts. Her sex is great, her mind is.... unlike anything I've ever encountered, her body? WHATTT crazy, her head game? Unmatched. EVERYTHING about her I love, and it's driving me NUTS. I really feel like she jus used me for sex, and if that's how she wants it to be.. then she need only say the word.
So we did, got into a heated argument about nothing and went our separate ways. Now I do love her, I always will... but there wasnt a shot in HELL that I was gonna call her first, especially since I felt like my points were valid, and that I was correct. So we haven't beeen speaking for about 3 weeks. So she hit me up today... and I melted. I have missed her like crazy, but I'm entirely to stubborn.
We started talking and after we got past the I Miss You's... things started to turn south. She stated that we would never be intimate again... WHAT?? Apparently when she was talking to some other girl, she was thinking about me. When it was time for them to get intimate, she thought about me, and while they were actually smashing... yep, you guessed it. she was wishing it was me. I mean, I had no idea, but I'm not surprised. Our Sex is the BESTTT. Can't emphasize that enough. So I'm hurt, like she's the only woman I've ever cried with after sex, she's done it with me, and I've done it with her. Our emotions for each other can be overwhelming at times. I told her why avoid the inevitable? There will ALWAYS be sexual tension between us. She came over my house, and the passion just overwhelmed us. There's absolutely NO way that we can be in the same room without touching... which leads to other things. But I can't stop myself. And BOY did we go at it. She was a little jealous that I had been with another girl, but no girl can EVER top what naomi and I have. The connection is undeniable. We can't help ourselves... and DAMN her shit is SOOOOOO good. Just thinkin about it turns me on. Who woulda thought that a woman who's been a lesbian all her life would find her sexual match with a woman who, before her, had only slept with men! HA.
So we had sex, we chilled afterwards, and just held each other and then all of the sudden.... she said she had to leave! Now is it me? Or what? I really felt some kinda way about her leaving. I mean I will always care for her, and have notions of us together, but If I can't be with her... I mean Im going talk to othe people. Her shit is the best I EVER had... but damn... I can't get stuck on her again. Like when she meets other women.. I get jealous. I do. I don't show it, but I honestly hate that it isn't me. And now I've learned she feels the same way, so we made a promise not to mention other people, but I don't think it'll last. When I'm with her, everything else fades away, so when we're not together that's all I want, and then I get hurt when she doesn't feel the same way... but I can't straddle the fence forever! Either I'ma remove all my feelings for her and let it just be sex, OR, I'ma involve my feelings and express them... Its really a catch 22. Without feelings, it wouldn't be as passionate and as intense as it is, but with feelings... I tend to get caught up... Where's the balance? And does it even exist??
Damn this girl knows how to consume my thoughts. Her sex is great, her mind is.... unlike anything I've ever encountered, her body? WHATTT crazy, her head game? Unmatched. EVERYTHING about her I love, and it's driving me NUTS. I really feel like she jus used me for sex, and if that's how she wants it to be.. then she need only say the word.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
