Thursday, April 9, 2009

Naomi... A History

So it's time yall know A little history about Naomi and I, and why we are the way we are. But PLEASE BE WARNED: THIS BLOG IS VERY EXPLICIT.

Okay, so as you know, Naomi was the first girl I slept with, and boy was it amazing. This happened in the summer of 08 and I was WHIPPED. LOL. It's funny now that I reflect back on it, but back then? I woulda done any and everything for her. So we were talking exclusively, but we didn't have the title of dating. As the story continues, she suddenly decided that she we were moving to fast and that she didn't wanna talk to me anymore... I was not only heartbroken but a little surprised... I mean this girl is 7 years older than me... aren't older women supposed to be more intune with what they want? How are you feeling me hardbody one day, and then the next never wanna talk to me again? Idk but when I returned to my school in September her and I salvaged our relationship and this is where the REAL story starts:

Her and I were sooooo close. I don't really get along with other women in general, so her friendship meant a lot. We were still having sex, but it wasn't all the time and our relationship wasn't based on it at all. She really was the only bestfriend I had at my school. She would come over to chill and I could tell her anything... and most importantly, it was reciprocated.

So since we weren't exclusive, I was messing with steve occasionally. I'm a very sexual person, but I also have emotional needs, and between the two (steve and naomi) I was satisfied. So as I was messing around with phone broke. And I don't know about the rest of yall, but my black berry is my LIFE. Everything I need to know is in there, my alarms, my class schedule, my meetings... Imean EVERYTHING.... including the time to take my birthcontrol pill. So by now, I 'm sure you can guess where this is going: during the days my phone was broken, I wasn't taking my pill on time, or at all and I got pregnant. In fall 08 of my sophmore year I was pregnant with steve's baby.


So now, surprisingly, I'm not freakin out. I tell steve about it, and he doesn't freak out either. He asks me what I want to do about it and I tell him I don't know. The biggest thing was HOW am I gonna tell Naomi??? I mean I love her, and I know that telling her this is gonna hurt her. So I delayed in telling her, because I wasn't quite sure what to do, or what to say. As the weeks progress, steve and I decide we're going to abort the baby (but not after a LOT of back and forth), so that being decided I continue to drink... I mean, I'm not gonna keep it anyway right? So at this point, I'm starting to have morning sickness, and severe lower back pain. I still don't know how far along I am, but when I go home I find out I'm 6 weeks. But anyway, I'm on the phone with Naomi, and I'm telling her how I'm sick etc, she then proceeds to ask me if I'm pregnant.....


I didn't wanna lie to her, so I simply said: really naomi? You're really gonna ask me am I pregnant? and she dropped it. Now I realize that what I did is called lying by omittion... but what other choice did I have? I wasn't ready to tell her, but I have NEVER lied to her. So then the day comes when I decide to tell her. She picks me up to treat me to lunch and I'm extremely quiet the entire ride there, I don't say much as I eat and It's on the way back that I tell her:

I'm Pregnant.


And then Naomi goes OFF. Now please keep in mind that I am extremely vulnerable simply because I'm not even 21 and I'm pregnant, add that to the fact that I'm in school, with essentially NO money and not entirely independant with steve for the father and you can understand how I'm feeling. I am boo-HOOing in the car. She's yelling at me, saying I lied to her when she asked me about it, and how could I... I mean what could I say? I never meant to hurt her... but I can't help but feel like maybe she should ask ME how I'm dealing with this? Or how I'm doing ya know? I can understand you're hurting but it's not always about YOU. She calms down and says that she still loves me, and that she'll be here for me. She asks me what I'm going to do and I tell her that steve and I decided that an abortion is the best thing. She then says that she'll be there for me etc.

Now after that car ride... Naomi disappeard. I mean NO contact whatsoever. No phone calls, No texts, no more visits. I of course attempted to contact her, but she never returned my calls. So it was clear that I was on my own... Steve? well he was there for me, but I wanted Naomi.

So at this point, first semester is coming to a close, and I'm basically living with steve. He takes me to schoo, brings me home, feeds me, and makes sure I have everything I need. The morning sickness has subsided, but I'm having extreme lower back pain...... Then it happens


I wake up in the middle of the night to painful cramps, killer back pain and blood.

I'm having a miscarriage.


I'm crying, Steve's confused not understanding until it finally clicks. He takes me to the bathroom and helps me clean up and I put on a tampon. He gets his computer, goes on web md, and confirms my nightmare. Logically, the next best thing to do would be to go to the hospital right?


Not gonna happen. As I previously stated, I 'm not 21, therefore I'm still on my mother's insurance and her and I aren't the best of friends. If I go the hospital, they will bill my insurance and my mother WILL find out.... HELL NO. So as we seek guidance from web md it says there's really nothing to be done. So I have a BAD miscarriage... and where was Naomi? GOOD question. Nowhere to be found.

So now it's christmas break, and I go home with the money for the abortion. I got examined, and found out that I hadn't passed all the dead tissue, and had to get an "abortion" to get the rest of it out.... and so I did.

Needless to say this was an EXTREMELY traumatic experience and WHERE was Naomi?????


***** stay tuned for part 2

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