Monday, April 6, 2009

Ooooohhh Weeeee

So, after reading my last post... I'm feeling a little rebellious. Remember the girl from "A knight....." well she was my first. I'll name her naomi. She was the first girl I ever slept with, and to her I'm grateful. She had to be the most passionate woman I've ever encountered. She unleashed a side of me that I didn't even know existed. Although she's 7 years my senior, age is just a number. She showed me Sooo many things, and was the best sex I ever had. Problem? Well she's a leo, and I'm a scorpio... apparently, we both are very strong-willed and but heads quite often. As passionate as our love making is... we can also get in Heated arguments.

So we did, got into a heated argument about nothing and went our separate ways. Now I do love her, I always will... but there wasnt a shot in HELL that I was gonna call her first, especially since I felt like my points were valid, and that I was correct. So we haven't beeen speaking for about 3 weeks. So she hit me up today... and I melted. I have missed her like crazy, but I'm entirely to stubborn.

We started talking and after we got past the I Miss You's... things started to turn south. She stated that we would never be intimate again... WHAT?? Apparently when she was talking to some other girl, she was thinking about me. When it was time for them to get intimate, she thought about me, and while they were actually smashing... yep, you guessed it. she was wishing it was me. I mean, I had no idea, but I'm not surprised. Our Sex is the BESTTT. Can't emphasize that enough. So I'm hurt, like she's the only woman I've ever cried with after sex, she's done it with me, and I've done it with her. Our emotions for each other can be overwhelming at times. I told her why avoid the inevitable? There will ALWAYS be sexual tension between us. She came over my house, and the passion just overwhelmed us. There's absolutely NO way that we can be in the same room without touching... which leads to other things. But I can't stop myself. And BOY did we go at it. She was a little jealous that I had been with another girl, but no girl can EVER top what naomi and I have. The connection is undeniable. We can't help ourselves... and DAMN her shit is SOOOOOO good. Just thinkin about it turns me on. Who woulda thought that a woman who's been a lesbian all her life would find her sexual match with a woman who, before her, had only slept with men! HA.

So we had sex, we chilled afterwards, and just held each other and then all of the sudden.... she said she had to leave! Now is it me? Or what? I really felt some kinda way about her leaving. I mean I will always care for her, and have notions of us together, but If I can't be with her... I mean Im going talk to othe people. Her shit is the best I EVER had... but damn... I can't get stuck on her again. Like when she meets other women.. I get jealous. I do. I don't show it, but I honestly hate that it isn't me. And now I've learned she feels the same way, so we made a promise not to mention other people, but I don't think it'll last. When I'm with her, everything else fades away, so when we're not together that's all I want, and then I get hurt when she doesn't feel the same way... but I can't straddle the fence forever! Either I'ma remove all my feelings for her and let it just be sex, OR, I'ma involve my feelings and express them... Its really a catch 22. Without feelings, it wouldn't be as passionate and as intense as it is, but with feelings... I tend to get caught up... Where's the balance? And does it even exist??

Damn this girl knows how to consume my thoughts. Her sex is great, her mind is.... unlike anything I've ever encountered, her body? WHATTT crazy, her head game? Unmatched. EVERYTHING about her I love, and it's driving me NUTS. I really feel like she jus used me for sex, and if that's how she wants it to be.. then she need only say the word.

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